Someone Finally Used the Bidet

When we moved into our house in August, the master bathroom came with an extra plumbing fixture which has since mesmerized our family and our guests; it is a bidet, and since we live in the southeastern United States, I will assume that you are not familiar with bidets.  Well, they’re lovely, really; they sit right next to your toilet, keeping it company, and they are for…ahem…washing your bottom.  Apparently the folks in Europe (where bidets are common) were never let in on the invention of toilet paper. 

I would go take a picture of the bidet and post it to help you visualize the scene, but once again, the husband might wonder why I am taking the camera into the bathroom with me.  I’m trying to avoid suspicion.

Having never been owners of a bidet before, Justin and I have been at a loss as to what to do with it.  We have not embraced the bidet lifestyle, so it just sits and gathers dust.  More than one friend has suggested putting some plants in it.  Justin has offered the use of it to friends and neighbors based on a 50 cent admission fee.  I have thought about building some sort of shelving unit around it as a camouflage of sorts.  We are at a loss, or we were, until our 4-year-old niece Maddie came to visit this weekend.

She was using the bathroom frequently and we decided that she might like to try the bidet instead of having her mom wipe such a sensitive area continually.  Justin, my sister (her mom) and I stood around the bidet, trying to figure out how to operate it.  Justin adjusted the water temperature and turned a faucet and wham-o!  we had a water fountain that jetted straight to the ceiling, spraying him in his face on the way up.  We laughed and laughed; who knew bathrooms could be so much fun?  Anyway, Justin got the spray down to a more manageable level and Sam put Maddie on the bidet.  Maddie didn’t want us to watch – a girl needs her privacy – but we could hear her giggling while we stood in the hall outside the bathroom.  She loved it!  She said it tickles and massages – her words, not mine. 

So now, the bidet has purpose, a reason to live.  And Maddie wants one installed in her house.


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